Nic Sheff arrives at a conclusion that many of us have reached:
So that means the drugs actually weren’t the problem—it was the drugs and my goddamn genetic code.
It’s ridiculous, really, to think about how long I’ve fought to deny that simple fact. And, honestly, I’m not even sure why that is exactly. Maybe it just seemed embarrassing to admit it was the drugs themselves that totally fucked up my life. Like, it seemed cooler or whatever to be able to blame my addiction on my messed up childhood, or my creepy step-dad, or my mom leaving, or something like that. And, well, I’m sure all that stuff did play a role in terms of why I started using drugs in the first place. But my addiction had nothing to do with that. ‘Cause obviously a ton of people have a hard time growing up, and obviously they don’t all turn out to be drug addicts—even the ones who do end up doing drugs.
We construct this narrative to answer questions like, who was I before I began using alcohol and drugs? Who and what did I become as a result of my use? Why me? How do I explain what happened? What happened to break this pattern? How do I explain why and how I stopped? Who and what am I now? Where am I going and what do I need to do to get there?
Why is is that the narrative adopted in early recovery so frequently centers on the alcoholic’s parents, negative life experiences, symptoms of depression or anxiety? And, why is it that they so often give way to a new narrative more like the one Nic has moved toward?
I don’t know, but I have been there.